You can’t make this stuff up. Thursday I saw an auction listing for an “Assault Weapon – Caveman’s AR15 (Assault Rock)” on eBay.
It was pretty entertaining throughout the listing:
This is your chance to own the most tried and tured of all assault weapons! This rock is millions of years old, and may have been the Caveman’s AR15. This is NOT a modern AR15 assault weapon. Rather, this is the Caveman’s AR15 (Assault Rock, 15 cm).
Again, this is a ROCK.
This item is meant purely for decoration, and is not intended to be used as a weapon. Own a piece of history!
FREE SHIPPING TO THE USA. NO international shipping please.
All proceeds will go the the real NRA (National Rifle Association of America)
[From the Q&A section:]
Q: Can this Assault Rock be submerged for the hydrographics painting process? I’d like to have it painted multicam to match my plate carrier.
A: I am a caveman. I speak small words.
Q: Do I need a CRP (Concealed Rock Permit) to carry this device concealed in Virgina?
A: Rock Crawlers are exempt from CRP.
Q: It seems small enough to conceal carry. As a child I remember having some of these in my pockets. Does this one come with a holster?
A: Cargo shorts ought to do the trick.
Q: Will this rock be compatible with my home defense stick attachment or will I have to get a permit and wait months for the paperwork?
A: Adding a stick would make it a hammer which is an NFA item. You would need the tax stamp.
Q: This looks like a Rock River Arms weapon. Can you verify?
A: It is a LaRock Tactical. I only deal in high-end rocks.
Q: I forgot to ask if you will accept payment in imitation crab meat.
A: I am Asian, so yes I would consider it.
Q: Pending an all out assault weapon ban, will this Ar-15 be safe to bury if the government decides to confiscate?
A: If they ban rocks, it’s time to secede!
Q: Is this the same style assault rock that I see the Palestinians use on TV or a different model?
A: Those are mostly sandstone. This AR15 is metamorphic and thus much denser. Think 45-70 vs. 22LR.
Q: Will you consider a “Buy It Now” option? I fear Obama might ban these before the auction ends.
A: Out of respect to the current bidders, I can not end this auction early. That is the only way to revise the buying options. We all need to contact our state representatives and senators to make sure our 2nd Amendment rights remain intact!
And that was just the most recent questions listed.
The bid was up to $305 Thursday evening and when I went to check on it Friday morning I found that the listing was removed.
A friend did some checking and the original seller gave us the official response from eBay:
Unfortunately, we had to remove your listing because of the following:
Your item is described as being compatible with an assault weapon, which indicates that the item is an assault weapon accessory. Due to U.S. Federal and California state laws, We do not permit the sale of any assault weapon-related parts or accessories. If you would like to relist this item, you may do so without mentioning or referencing any assault weapon within the listing.
So apparently, it is now “illegal” and “against policy” to transfer a rock.
Welcome to the new America.
Original listing link: http://www.ebay.com/sch/sis.html?_nkw=ws&_itemId=190781941697
Screenshots of the listing & Q&A’s: