There’s an App for That

THE HUNTING CLUB membership was gathered in the large round booth in Doreen’s 24 HR Eat Gas Now Café when Wrong Willie sighed and leaned back. “We should go to the lease and fill feeders this week while the weather’s still nice.” He turned his phone so we could see the weather forecast.

“How about Saturday?” Jerry Wayne held up an index finger as if to emphasize an important point.

I knew the answer before I asked the question. “Why Saturday?

“Well…”

“Exactly.” I put down my coffee mug. “Guys. We’re retired. We can go during the week if we want. It’s pretty cool today and they say tomorrow will be about the same. Let’s get out there.”

Constable Rick was with us that day. “We can do some target practice while we’re out there. Y’all need to bring your pistols and brush up on your shooting skills.”

Jerry Wayne frowned. “You know what that’s gonna cost in ammo these days?”

“You know what it’s gonna cost if you need to shoot and miss?

“I’ll have to check with Jan.” Wrong Willie tapped a text on his screen. “We might have something scheduled.”

“You can’t. Tomorrow’s Tuesday. People only schedule things on weekends.”

They all missed my sarcasm. 

Doc rested his elbows on the table and sipped at his coffee. “I’ll go buy some of that apple-flavored corn up at the feed store. I like to use that because it smells good.”

Woodrow raised an eyebrow. “Do the turkey and deer like it?”

“Who knows? But I think it smells nice.”

The sun was at the right angle to fill our side of the café with light, and it was getting warm in the booth, despite the mild weather outside. Constable Rick always sits with his back to the windows, to watch the room, and I could swear I saw heat waves rising off his shoulders.

I was barely listening by then, because I was making things more comfortable where we sat.

Doc noticed and called me down on it. “Rev, you’re the one who’s always complaining about people being on their phones while we’re trying to talk.”

I glanced up. Jerry Wayne had his cell phone out, scrolling through something. Willie put on his reading glasses and read Jan’s response, while Woodrow was checking the weather. Doc and Constable Rick were the only ones without a device in their hands.

“Shhh. I’m lowering the temperature in here a little bit.”

They all stopped and looked up, waiting for an explanation.

I glanced over my shoulder to be sure Doreen wasn’t close by. She was at the opposite side of the café, talking to an elderly couple who were also regulars. “Y’all know Doreen put in a new AC system last month.”

They nodded.

“Well, you know how she likes to keep it pretty warm even in the summer, and it’s usually chilly in the wintertime.”

More nods.

“Well, I was here when they installed that new thermostat over behind the counter, and it’s one of those new rigs that you can control from your phone.”

Woodrow started to point at the thermostat, but lowered his hand just in case Doreen might turn around. He knew better than to draw attention. “You need the app and password for that.”

“You’re right. I heard her tell the technician what password she wanted to use, so I downloaded the app and linked my phone to her system.”

Doc’s face widened in a grin. “Brilliant!”

“Rev, is that like stealing electricity?” Constable Rick frowned. “You’re costing her money when you do that.”

“I only turn it down a degree, to get the blowers to come on, and when we leave, I turn it back up to where she has it set. I also leave her twice the tip I used to give. It’s a win win for us all. But back to what I was saying. Let’s get out to the lease before it gets too hot. The forecast says Hamlin will be close to a hundred on Saturday. Tomorrow’s supposed to be eighty-nine.”

“Can’t go tomorrow.” Willie sighed. “Keeping the grandkids.”

“How about the day after?”

“Nope.” Doc shook his head. “I have a doctor’s appointment. Colonoscopy. Can’t change it.”

We giggled like little kids, knowing what he would be going through.

“Friday, anyone?”

They shook their heads at my suggestion.

“Fine, then. Let’s go Saturday.”

Woodrow sighed and smoothed his gray beard. “I don’t know. According to this app, it’ll be pretty hot.”

“It’s the summertime, and that means hot. Besides, you guys’ll be rearin’ to go on September first when dove season opens.”

Doc smiled. “We can fill the feeders then. For now, let’s stay here and drink coffee in the cool air.”

I frowned at my phone. The inside temperature was still the same. Thinking, I glanced up and saw Doreen watching me from behind the counter. She winked, tapped the thermostat and mouthed two words at me.

Changed password.

I mouthed back.

When?

After you left that day.

I sat there, stunned, when she mouthed one last sentence.

Thanks for the bigger tips.

I sighed and deleted the app for that.

 

Email Reavis Wortham at ContactUs@fishgame.com

 

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